New group helps dads to become better dads
Everywhere she looked, Holly Zwerling saw programs for mothers, childcare for mothers, parenting information for mothers, but fathers she said were treated “like second-class citizens.”
Inspired by her work with parenting programs for 30 years, she formed the Father’s Task Force of South Florida, an organization aimed at educating fathers on the importance of staying involved in their children’s lives.
“I believe that part of the problem with men becoming more involved is because of women,” said Zwerling, a family-life educator and social worker. “We tend to buy into the idea that it’s our responsibility to raise children and, as a result, we have distanced fathers from raising children and hurt children in the long run.”
NEGATIVE EFFECT
Zwerling said some fathers struggle with the demands of parenthood and don’t realize how their absence can negatively affect their children’s well-being. Without a positive male figure, children’s emotional needs can go unmet, potentially resulting in a life of crime for boys or poor self-esteem for girls, she said.
“When you leave your kids so early, it leaves tremendous scars that I don’t think men understand,” she said.
Consider the story of Travis Kelly. His father lived just 10 minutes away from his home in Miami-Dade County, but he barely knew him. At age 17, he decided it was time to change their estranged relationship and crashed Thanksgiving dinner at his father’s house.
Jaws dropped, Kelly said, and though his half-siblings — two brothers and a sister that he had never met — were quick to embrace him, his father remained distant. It wasn’t until a few years later when Kelly graduated from Florida International University that father and son reconnected, but the damage was done.
Enraged and hurt by the experience, Kelly let loose his emotions in a book – And We Call Ourselves Men! – about his life growing up virtually fatherless. He has also joined Zwerling’s task force.
“My mother raised me to be the best human being I could be, but I feel only a father can teach you how to be a man,” said Kelly, now 40 and a counselor for at-risk youth. “When it came to peer pressure, there was no one there to guide me. I made those decisions on my own.”
ISSUES
Studies have shown that lack of paternal involvement can cause long-term mental health issues, poor academic performance and other issues. Lack of paternal involvement can even affect a baby’s health in the womb, dramatically increasing the risk of infant mortality, a report last month by the Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies concluded. The researchers recommended changing welfare and leave policies to be more father-friendly.
Father’s Task Force member Darek Marcel Eaves believes the government still favors mothers over fathers. Fifteen years ago, he was in a prolonged custody battle with his ex-wife when he was pulled over by the police in Miami — for evading child support. His children, 4 and 6 at the time, were in the car.
Eaves, now 44 and a father of four, was forced to pay thousands in back child support even though he said his ex-wife, who had full custody, would leave the two young children with him for months at a time.
LEGAL AID
He knew little about his legal rights or how to fight to gain custody in a system he said was set up to aid mothers and thwart fathers’ rights.
Eaves founded Father Focus Inc., a nonprofit that gives legal aid to fathers trying to gain custody, information on education and employment assistance.
“I think now people are beginning to tie the ills in society to the breakdown of the family,” said Father’s Task Force member Phillip Tavernier, a father of five. “Men have to know you have a right and responsibility to bring balance into your home.”
For more information, call 305-812-4000 or e-mail fatherhoodtfsf@aol.com for more information about the Father’s Task Force of South Florida.
